


Flowers

by Joyable10



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Destroying a marriage, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nightmares, Old Friends, old man love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23833900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyable10/pseuds/Joyable10
Summary: They escaped, but the nightmares still plague their every waking moment. One nightmare they didn't see coming has torn their fabric of reality.
Relationships: Joseph Oda/Original Female Character(s), Sebastian Castellanos/Joseph Oda
Comments: 18
Kudos: 23





	1. Frozen yogurt was just the start

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> I wrote this four years ago titled "Roses for him" on Fanfiction.net. I rewrote the story here. The same feeling is still encased in this rewrite. I tried hard to keep most of the original text. I hope you will find this rewrite enjoyable to read as much as it has been a joy for me to write over the past few years.
> 
> Please be patient with me, I am unfamiliar with AO3's format.

"Ugh," Joseph said scratching the back of his ear with his writing hand. He had spent the three hours filling out paperwork filled by a guest investigator. "Too many typos. Where did they hire this guy?" he said fixing the mistakes on his computer. Joseph had been away for an extra month after his escape from STEM. He broke his collarbone, and it kept pestering him with pain. He pulled away from his computer with a sigh. His doctors had told him to relax his shoulders to help the injury to heal properly. "Stupid shoulder," he said placing a soft hand on the injury.

Joseph pressed print on the document once it was finished to his standards. He reached out for the stapler with his good side and stapled the reports together. "And out you go," he said placing the file into the outgoing file bin. He like being organized because it brought him peace. He looked down at his watch to check the time. It was almost time to leave. He imagined coming home to his wife, Anna, and his young daughter, Suzy. His mind wandered back to his time in STEM, and how scared he was not knowing if he was going to return. There was a tightness in his chest at the thought and a sudden gasp for air.

"Breath," Joseph tried to tell himself as he reaching over to an uncapped pen and recapped it. "It's over. It's done," he said placing the pen into his desk's cup holder. He leaned back into his chair. It took a few moments to bring him to a sense of calm. "All right," he said picking up a piece of paper to start work again. Not a moment before Joseph could put a highlighter to the page, there was a light knock on the door. "Come in," Joseph said not looking up from his document. 

The door opened and Sebastian, his police partner, walked through the door. "What can I do for you Seb?" Joseph said still reading.  
"How did you know it was me?"  
"I've told you to knock softly for the past week, and everyone else pounds at my door. So what can I do for you?" he said still looking down. He pushed his glasses up his nose. "Seb?" He looked up at Sebastian standing in front of him. "Is there something wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong," Sebastian said after a long silence.  
"Why are you here if there's nothing wrong? I'm not off the clock yet," Joseph said still holding the paper and pen in his hands.  
"I was thinking…" Sebastian started and rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness.  
"Yes," Joseph said giving him the 'get on with it' stare. "Seb, just say it."  
"I was thinking we should get frozen yogurt for your week back to work," he said quickly with a changed tone.  
"Frozen yogurt," Joseph said leaning back in his chair. He was taken back by Sebastian's proposal.  
"Yeah, you like them, right. It would be my treat," he said trying to force a smile.  
"You hate frozen yogurt," Joseph said crossing his legs under his desk. "You told me the last time we went. That it was to burn in the inner circle of hell," he said trying to get a rise from his police partner.  
"I'm willing to look past the whole frozen yogurt equating to hell just this once," he said chewing the side of his cheek.  
"Fine, I'm off in 45 minutes," Joseph said noticing a slight smile on Sebastian's face. 

\+ 

The two of them sat on a park bench eating their frozen yogurt. Sebastian was in hell. "Thanks for buying me yogurt," Joseph said enjoying his time eating.  
"Don't mention it," Sebastian said finishing off the last of his inner hell. "How's that shoulder?"  
"The pain comes and goes. It's not too back," he said placing a soft hand to show Sebastian it wasn't too painful.  
"That's good," Sebastian said and stared off into the distance. Joseph was picking up that there was something else going on.  
"Did you want to say anything else at the office? The frozen yogurt was a last-minute thought," Joseph said trying to press for more information. 

"There's nothing," Sebastian said turning a bright shade of pink. Joseph could tell that he as beginning to sweat.  
"Nothing?" Joseph said. " Is it personal?" After Sebastian's daughter, Lily, died and his wife disappeared. Sebastian hardly talked about his personal life. Joseph pressed for more. "Does it have to do with STEM?"  
"No," Sebastian said. Sebastian was still talking which was good. Joseph knew he had Sebastian in his grips. "Sort of…"  
"Oh," Joseph said.  
"I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's just…" Sebastian tried to find the words. "I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's just…" Joseph stayed quiet. "Don't take this...as strange."  
"Sebastian, just say it."  
"Joseph…" he started rubbing his wrist.


	2. The confession of a washroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true nightmare has begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter. I've been having fun writing these. I hope you have fun reading this one.
> 
> This chapters are short because I love cliffhangers.
> 
> I had frozen yogurt on my mind because I've been eating it for the past week or so.

"I fell in love with you. I love you," Sebastian blurted out. He bit his lip as he waited for Joseph's reaction. They sat in silence as Joseph blushed a light pink. Sebastian blushed dark red as he looked away. Joseph knew that they had a strong bond together. They trudged through hell together in reality and in STEM. Joseph could feel his heart pumping hard as he tried to think of a response. He was stressing out. He didn't want to hurt Sebastian's feelings. "Joseph," Sebastian called out which brought him down into reality.  
"Uh?" Joseph said meeting Sebastian's eyes.  
"It's fine if you don't like me in that way."  
"I…" Joseph tried to find the words. "How long have you had these feelings?" he said in his calm tone.  
"For a while...even before STEM," Sebastian said. Joseph nodded and his bottom lip was quivering. "I'm sorry to have to spring this on you. I thought it was better for you to know how I felt," he said.  
"Okay. Sebastian, I've very flattered that you like me that much, " Joseph said. "I just need time to process this," he looked at Sebastian with honest content.  
"Sure," Sebastian felt awkward. "Do you want me to leave you here? Or do you want to walk back to the station?"  
"I'm going to stay here," Joseph said. "You can go back."  
"Okay, sorry," Sebastian stood up from the bench, and he shuffled his feet towards the station. He turned around to say something to Joseph, but he already made a mess of things. It was better to keep his mouth shut. 

+

Joseph sat on the bench alone. He knew he couldn't respond to Sebastian's confession honesty. He always knew there was something between them, but he thought they were going to be content with their lives. Joseph had his life and his family. Sebastian had a family before STEM.  
He thought it over in his head. "Maybe, he only likes me because I was the one who would put up with his bullshit," Joseph said in his head. "That's it. It must be." he wanted that to be the answer because he didn't want to think Sebastian had any feelings for him. "But he was already nice before everything went to hell," he rubbed the back of his head in frustration.  
"Damn it," Joseph finally said out loud. It was too loud that the people around him turned to look. Joseph blushed in embarrassment, so he decided to leave the park.

+

He drove down the familiar streets towards his suburban house. Sebastian's confession was mulled in his head. "I could tell him the truth. What would I even say? 'Hey, Seb, it's okay to think like that. Why not continue to be friends?'" Joseph said to himself in the car. "That's a horrible idea. I guess it's going to be the end of our friendship," he said pulling into his driveway. He placed his forehead on the steering wheel. "Damn it, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut," he said. He took a deep breath. "Damn it."

When he was getting out of the car, he tried not to think about Sebastian. Suzy was standing in the doorway of the house. "Daddy's home," she called out. Joseph made his way up the driveway and the house's steps. "Welcome home," she said with a huge smile. Joseph could help but smile and pick her up.  
"I'm home. How is my little girl?" Josep said kissing her cheek and Suzy wrapped her arms around her dad.  
"We had Math today. I don't like Math."  
"Why don't you like Math?"  
"Because it's boring," she said. Joseph dropped his workbag on the armchair.  
"What subject do you like?"  
"Gym," she said.  
"Gym," Joseph said. "Why?"  
"Because we get to run around and play games," she said throwing her hands in the air.  
"I guess you wouldn't be bored in gym class, but you need to keep an open mind. You never know when you get older, you might like Math." Suzy gave him a sore face.  
"No," she said. Joseph couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Where's your mom?"  
"Cooking dinner," she told him.  
"Let's pay her a visit," Joseph said still holding onto Suzy and walked towards the kitchen.

Anna was stirring the last of the steamed vegetable's in a pot. She was listening to an audiobook about some person's life. "Joseph, I didn't hear you," Anna said turning off the stove and her phone. She leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. Joseph laughed a little.  
"Smells good," Joseph said putting Suzy down. "Go grab your plate," he told her and she ran off. Joseph placed his hands on her shoulders to lean over to smell the food. "Amazing as always. Need help?"  
"Thanks, but no thanks. You need to get changed. You have something on your shirt."  
"Oh," Joseph said looking down on his shirt. "Castellanos took me out for yogurt for my first week back."  
"Did he called it hell again."  
"He held his tongue," Joseph said making his way to the master bedroom.

+

Joseph had found himself lying in bed at 4 am. He spent the last two hours reading a book, but his mind still drifted off thinking about Sebastian's words. He turned to look at Anna who was passed out with a book on her chest and her reading glasses still on. Joseph leaned over to pulled the book and glasses off her. He placed them on her night table. He couldn't help but watch her. He loved her. He sighed laying back down on his side of the bed. He gave up and pushed the bedcovers off.

He walked towards the stairs leading down to the kitchen. He was going to get a glass of water. He passed Suzy's room. The door was ajar and he could see into the room. Her star shape wall nightlight glowed a pink shade over her. He smiled and pulled himself away from the door. He made his way to the kitchen.

He leaned against the kitchen counter as he drank his water. He needed to get over Sebastian's confession quickly or he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. "Joseph?" Anna said.  
"Anna, did I wake you up?"  
"No," she said. "I woke up randomly and you weren't there."  
"Sorry for making you worried," Joseph said.  
"Was it another nightmare?" she walked closer.  
"Yeah," Joseph lied and she wrapped her arms around him. She was comforting with the smell of lavender in her hair.  
"I'm here," she said placing her head on his chest. Joseph smiled and buried his face further into her lavender smelling hair. "Better?"  
"Better," he said kissing her forehead. "Thanks," he kept his arms wrapped around Anna. 

+

Joseph woke to the sound of his alarm clock. He found his classes still on his face, and he smacked his clock off. Joseph slowly opened his eyes and turned over. Anna wasn't on her side. He leaned over to check the clock's alarm. She has already left for work. He yawned getting out of bed, and he walked over to Suzy's room after he got changed.

He scratched his back and knocked on the door. "Suzy, time to wake up," he said walking over and placed his hand on her shoulder. She started to stir but didn't open her eyes.  
"Noooo," she said digging his face into her pillow. "Do I have to go?"  
"Yes, you do. You'll thank me when you are older," Joseph said walking over to her closet to pull out her school uniform.  
"I can do that. I can get dressed," she jumped out of bed.  
"Okay," she pushed him out of her room. "Okay, I'm leaving. I'll be downstairs to make breakfast." Suzy closed the door. He shook his head and smiled. Suzy had grown up so fast.

+

"Bye, Dad," Suzy said waving.  
"Have a good day at school, Suzy," Joseph said watching his daughter walk into the school. He could see other parents wishing their children a good day. He didn't like talking with some of the parents because they were nosy. They liked asking about his family and his work. He thought it was a bit too much to handle. He walked back home before any of them asked him questions.

He got ready for work by fixing himself a boxed lunch. Cooking reminded him how much he missed his mother's food. His mom would always make his lunch when he was a child. She lived up in Canada and he hadn't seen her since Christmas time. He thought maybe it was time for the family to visit again. Joseph noticed he spent too long thinking and he was going to be late for work.

+

When Joseph finally got to the station, Sebastian's car was already parked. He was going to have to sneak into his office. He didn't want to see Sebastian at the moment. He snuck around the corners with his lunch box pressed against his chest. "What am I doing?" he said turning the last corner to the offices. Sebastian was standing with another detective. "Crap," Joseph said walking behind the corner. "I'm not a schoolgirl. I'm a grown man. I can take care of this," he said walking into the hallway. Sebastian was will there.

Joseph wished Sebastian didn't look in his direction. Sebastian looked like he was going to turn around to follow the other detective. However, Sebastian turned to look down the hall. The two of them locked eyes. Joseph dashed for his office door, and Sebastian stood there with his cup of coffee. He ducked into his office as Sebastian sipped his coffee in confusion. "That was smooth," Joseph joked to himself.

+

He spent the first part of his shift trying to concentrate, but he was quickly realizing he needed to use the washroom. He really didn't want to use the washroom. Sebastian might find a way to talk with him. Joseph mustered up the courage to open his office door, so he could take a look outside. Sebastian was speaking to one of the police officers still holding a coffee cup and leaning against the desk. He liked how Sebastian leaned on desks when he was interested in a case. Joseph closed the door. He looked down at his watch. Sebastian would be off in another two hours. Joseph wasn't going to make it. 

Joseph gingerly creeped out of his office, so Sebastian wouldn't notice him. It was no use. Sebastian noticed. "Noooo," Joseph hissed as he walked quickly towards the washroom.  
"Joseph," Sebastian said.  
"I got to use the washroom," Joseph said not turning around and stopping. He walked into the men's washroom. Sebastian followed. "Really?"  
"Uh, I'll be outside. I need to talk with you," Sebastian said walking backwards out of the washroom. Joseph stood there. His mind was racing. There was no way out of talking to Sebastian. He looked at the small high window. Joseph shook his head. He was going to have to face Sebastian whether he wanted to or not.


	3. Greasy Breakfast Sandwiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My God. There's tension in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been the longest I have posted a Fanfiction. I like to write them, but I never post them. I'm terrified of posting my work.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and the ones before and after this one. 
> 
> Happy Reading!!!!
> 
> Also, I am doing writing and art commissions. If you want to see a ship together, contact me.

"Joseph," Sebastian said as Joseph tried to sneak out of the washroom. "Hey, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. Really, you can forget about it. It didn't happen. I just want us to be friends again." Joseph stopped in the middle of the hallway. His shoulder dropped from their tense position.  
"I would like that," Joseph said turning around. 

Right there, their hearts collectively sank. They knew the risk. Joseph wanted so badly to walk towards Sebastian and give him a big hug. He couldn't. Sebastian really liked Joseph, but he knew it was impossible.   
"Thank you," Sebastian said with a small simple smile. "Now we both have work, and I don't want the Captain yelling at us." Joseph nodded in agreement.

+

Joseph knew Sebastian couldn't let his love for him die. They were close before STEM. Their bond was questioned in STEM. They believed they were going to die together, but they escaped together. Joseph knew that bond out weighted anything they compared it with.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian said one day in the breakroom.  
"I'm fine," Joseph said opening his lunch box. Sebastian had a fast-food breakfast sandwich which was leaking grease everywhere.   
"Really? Because you have been avoiding me all day," Sebastian said and Joseph didn't say anything. "I'm serious Joseph. I want things to be like they use to. You know?"   
"I know," Joseph said angrily eating his lunch.  
"All right," Sebastian backed out of the conversation. A few police officers came into the breakroom to refill their coffee mug.  
"Everything okay in here?" One of them noticed the silence between Sebastian and Joseph.  
"Everything is just fine," Joseph said giving them the stare.  
"We should really get back to work," he said walking out of the room with other officers.   
"What happened to him?" one of them whispered in the group. 

"Joseph just tell me the truth. It makes it easier for both of us to be honest with each other," Sebastian said putting down his greasy sandwich.  
"You know what I've been thinking?" Joseph said turning to look at Sebastian. Anger filled his eyes. "You want to know! I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing you ask if there's anything wrong. You wanted to go back to the way things were. It doesn't happen when you keep asking me about it." Joseph spoke like he was interrogating a suspect who wasn't cooperating.  
"Joseph, I'm sorry," Sebastian hated Joseph's interrogation voice. Sebastian tried to calm Joseph down before someone came into the room.  
"Shut it for a minute," he said grabbing Sebastian's dress shirt.   
"Hey, hey," Sebastian said trying not to punch his best friend in the face.

Before Sebastian knew it, Joseph smashed his lips against his. "Umm…" he said shocked, but he melted into the kiss. He imagined his kiss with Joseph for a long time. Sebastian knew how much he wanted this. They pulled away. "Joseph," Sebastian said feeling like he could go in for more. He looked at Joseph and noticing he was crying. "Hey," Sebastian said.  
"Sorry," Joseph said. "I shouldn't have done that." He got up from his chair and collected his lunch from the table.  
"Joseph," Sebastian said chasing after him.  
"I would like to be alone," Joseph said putting his hand on the handle of his office door. "Please." Sebastian nodded and Joseph opened his door to his office. There was a click of the lock and Sebastian knew that it was over. 

Sebastian looked back at the bullpen. The other officers were watching him. "Get back to work. There's nothing to see here," Sebastian said putting his hands in his pockets and walking towards his office. 

Joseph leaned against his office door. He cried and he cried hard. He couldn't remember the last time he cried so hard. He wanted his feeling to stop. He wanted to world to go back to the way it was. The way he remembered it to be. 

+

Joseph finally built up the courage to open his office door again. He was off the clock, but he wanted to wait for Sebastian and the others to leave before he did. "I should call in sick when I have to work," Joseph said getting into his car. "I don’t have to see him," he started the car. All this thinking was making Joseph feel exhausted. "Why did I have to do that? Why did I have to kiss him?" He made his way down the same familiar suburban street. "Ahaha," Joseph said pulling into the driveway. "Because I like him too? Funny," he said inside his car. Suzy was standing in the doorway and was waiting to welcome her dad home.   
"Daddy, Daddy," Suzy said waving as Joseph picked up his bags from the passenger seat. "Mom made dinner again."  
"It was my turn to cook," Joseph said walking into the house. He placed his bag on the armchair. Anna was washing the dinner plates. "Anna, I'm sorry. I was running late."   
"Dinner is still warm. Go eat," she said with sad eyes. Joseph walked over to her.   
"I'm so sorry," he said kissing her. "I'm so sorry," he wrapped his arms around her. Her hands still wet from dishwashing.   
"Joseph, what has gotten into you? Did you have a rough day at work?"  
"Umm..." Joseph said leaning his face into her lavender smelling hair.  
"Go eat dinner and we'll put Suzy to bed," she said.

+

Joseph leaned against his daughter's bedroom door. He was listening to the bedtime story Anna was telling Suzy. The book was Anna's from when she was a child. The pages coloured in. It was held together with pieces of bandages. Anna wrote her name and Suzy did the same. They were deep into the story as Joseph listened and Suzy's eyes were beginning to feel heavy.   
"'It's time to go,' Minako said taking the little fox spirit's hand.   
'Is it time already?' the little fox spirit questioned sadly. She leads the little fox out into the garden. "The seed! It's a tree," the fox said running up to the tree. It was taller than him, but he was happy because they just planted it in the afternoon. It already had red berries that were ready to pick…" Anna said and noticed Suzy was fast asleep. "And with that, we will end it there," she said closing the book. Anna leaned over to tuck her little girl in. Joseph walked closer and placed his hands on Anna's shoulders. "Let's watch TV," she said placing the book on the nightstand. She leaned over to turn the star shape nightlight on. They bided Suzy a good night's sleep and left the door ajar. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Anna said looking at their selection of DVDs. Joseph was sitting on the couch turning the TV on. He tugged on her arm and pulled her onto the couch.   
"Let's watch whatever is on the TV," Joseph said. In an hour, Joseph has found himself fast asleep with his arms around Anna. She combed her fingers through his hair.

She knew Joseph hardly sleep nowadays. Before he disappeared, he slept sparingly. His work always had him on his toes. He would get calls in the middle of the night about a murder. After, he reappeared, beating up, injured, and broken. He only slept when the sun was rising and he still got up at seven. If he did fall asleep before sunrise. He would wake up screaming, and covered in sweat. Anna wasn't holding her breath. Joseph had nightmares. Now they were part of his life. She sat there still combing her fingers through his hair. Maybe for a change, she will stay up for the sunrise, and he can sleep soundly.

Anna had fallen asleep next to the drowning sound of the TV. Her hand still on Joseph's head. His arms still around her. They had shifted, but it was the same. "Blood," Joseph started as the dark hours continued. "Blood. No." He said droning. "Please," he scratched as if he was trapped.  
"Joseph?" Anna said opening her eyes. She heard it all before. Joseph suffering in another one of his nightmares. "Hey," she said moving to look at Joseph. Her husband was drenched in sweat.  
"Um…" Joseph said waking up to her hand on his shoulder. He pulled away. "Sorry," he said looking away from her.   
"It's okay," she said taking some of the tissues from the side table and patted his face with them. "Do you want to talk about it?" Joseph shook his head. "All right, but I'm here if you want to," she said. "Want something to drink?" Joseph nodded. Anna made her way to the kitchen and brought back a glass of water. Joseph took it from her and drank quickly. He patted his forehead with the tissues again. "We should be getting to bed. It's no good sleeping on the couch. We will catch our deaths," she said taking the glass from Joseph. "You get ready. I'll get you some more water," she said. 

Joseph just nodded. He watched his wife walk to the kitchen. He made his way to the master bedroom. Once he finished changing clothes. He rolled into bed and looked up at the ceiling. Anna came in with the glass of water and something else. "What's that?" Joseph said.   
"I found this when I was shopping after work. It smelled like lavender. It might help you sleep." she said placing the glass of water and the plastic lavender hold on his nightstand. He took her hand.  
"Anna, thank you," he said as she looked down at him. She gave a small smile and made her way onto the other side of the bed.   
"I hope you get some sleep," she said. He was thankful for her. She always tried to help him. Joseph pulled at the blankets and thought he was lucky to get any sleep. 

He laid there not fearing the nightmares that plagued his dreams. His mind was flooded with the image of kissing Sebastian Castellanos. He told himself it was the heat of the moment. It really wasn't. Joseph knew he wanted to kiss him for so long. He always wondered what his kisses were like. Now he knew. They were rough. Sebastian's lips were dry. He had stubble on his chin. He 'smelt' like cigarettes and coffee. Joseph rolled it in his mind. Sebastian 'tasted' like cigarettes and coffee. He tasted like that greasy breakfast sandwich. He shook his head. The thoughts about Sebastian were pushed out of his mind. He needed to get some sleep. The sun was just peaking over the horizon. He wished that everything would turn out fine in the end.


	4. Coats, Ice Cream, and a Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph takes Suzy out coat shopping. Sebastian wants to talk about the kiss, and Joseph doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for liking my story so far. It has been a real treat writing. These parts are slow because I want to build tension between Sebastian and Joseph. I've had this story in the back of my mind for the past four years. They have always been my favourite ship.
> 
> I can't wait to continue to rewrite this part of the story. Around chapter 8 or so will get in the really mature content.
> 
> Come visit me on my Instagram @joyable10
> 
> I draw fanart and at the moment, I'm finishing a comic book for a contest.

There was a dull sound coming from outside. Joseph slowly opened his eyes. The rain was banging against the window. It was nice since it hadn't rained for a very long time in their city. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Anna had gone to work. It was Saturday. He had the whole day with Suzy. There was a little note on the nightstand. "Morning! " it said. "I hope you slept well. It's finally raining. I made breakfast. Suzy was already up when I was getting ready for work. She told me she wanted to watch TV until you woke up," it continues. "Have a good day." Joseph folded the note and placed it in his nightstand drawer. It was full of notes from her. Even before STEM, she would write these 'good morning' notes. He loved that about her. 

He pulled himself out of bed, and he grabbed a sweater from the wardrobe. The changed in weather had made the house cold. He walked to the living room to find Suzy sitting on the couch. She was wrapped in a blanket and holding a toy. "Good morning," Joseph said and he sat on the couch's arm.  
"Hi, dad," she said turning to him. "Mom made breakfast. She says yours is in the kitchen."  
"Oh, what did she make?"  
"Pancakes," she said. "Some of them have chocolate chips."  
"Chocolate chips. We are spoiled," Joseph said walking over to the kitchen to take a look. Suzy laughed.

On the kitchen counter, there was a plate of pancakes. He took a few and brought them over to the couch. Suzy was flipping through channels. Joseph picked up his phone to check work emails. There was a text message from Sebastian.  
"Hey, I just wanted to check up on you." Joseph put his phone down. He didn't want to deal with it at the moment. He wanted to have a day where he didn't have to think about Sebastian.

"So what do you want you to do today?" Joseph said slicing into the pancakes. Suzy had migrated to a catch-the-fish game on the living room floor. She looked up at him.  
"I want to go shopping!"  
"What would you like to get?"  
"Candy!" she said.  
"Candy? Suzy, you have enough candy here. Your mom said that you need a winter coat. You've outgrown your old one," Joseph said eating another slice.  
"A new one, but I like my old one," Suzy said. "It fit me fine last year."  
"Well, try it on and we will see. Can you go get it?" he said taking a sip of coffee. Suzy got up from her game and ran up the stairs to her room.

She came back with a winter coat. "I made a mess of the clothing," she said.  
"We'll clean it later. Put it on." Joseph said. Suzy put on the coat. It was tight in the shoulders and the sleeves were too short. "See."  
"Umm…" Suzy said trying to make the coat fit better. "But I like this one."  
"I know you do. You need a new one. We will get it in a bigger size so you can wear it longer," he said finishing the last the pancakes.  
"Okay," she said taking the coat off and placing it next to him.

+

"How about this one," Joseph said pulling a bright pink coat.  
"It's too bright and pink," she said.  
"What colour do you want?"  
"I want one like mom's," she said looking around the coat racks.  
"Which one?"  
"The gray one," she said.  
"The gray one? Suzy, I don't think they make coats like that for girls," he said.  
"Found it!" she said holding a gray petticoat jacket.  
"Try it on," Joseph said. He held onto her rain jacket as she tried it on in front of the mirror. "Do you like it?"  
"I love it! Can we get this one?" 

They bought the coat in a larger size and they made their way to the food court for ice cream. Joseph held onto Suzy's new winter coat. He had just finished eating his ice cream, but Suzy was still in the middle of eating when Joseph's phone started ringing. He picked it out of his pocket. It was Sebastian. "Who's that?" she said.  
"Sebastian," Joseph said. He had to pick it up because he didn't know if it was a case.  
"It's Mr. Castellanos. You should answer it," Suzy said. Joseph answered it.  
"Hello," Joseph said in a whisper.  
"Joseph," Sebastian said. "You didn't respond back to my text, and you normally respond. I just need to know you are okay."  
"I'm fine. Uh, right now is not a good time. I'm shopping with Suzy. Could I call you back later?"  
"I want to talk," Suzy said with ice cream all over her face.  
"Suzy, Mr. Castellanos called me about a case. I need to speak with him," Joseph said. Suzy sat back down.  
"Sorry, I should get off the phone," Sebastian said. "Yeah, call me when you're free."  
"Thanks," Joseph said turning off the phone.  
"You never let me speak with Mr. Castellanos," Suzy said.  
"Suzy, it was work-related. There would be no point. How about this. Before I talk with him, you can speak. He would love to hear from you," he said.  
"Really," Suzy smiled.  
"Really," Joseph said. "Now we need to clean that face of yours." He leaned over to his daughter with a wet wipe and started rubbing her face.  
"Dad," she protested.  
"There," Joseph said leaning back in the chair. "Are you finished with your ice cream?" he asked.  
"You can have the rest," she said holding the ice cream up.  
"Are you sure?" he said. She nodded. Joseph took up the ice cream and started eating it. He rolled his eyes and knew he had to be careful about overeating. "We should start heading for the car. I need to start making dinner," he said.

+

They got home and Suzy put her new coat in her room. Joseph started making dinner. "Daddy, I want to call Mr. Castellanos!" she said holding up his phone.  
"Fine," Joseph said dialling the number.  
"Joseph," Sebastian answered quickly.  
"Hey, before we start talking, Suzy really wants to talk with you," Joseph said. "Is that all right?"  
"Sure," Sebastian said. "Hand the phone over."  
"Thanks, give me a second," Joseph said. "Suzy, he has agreed." He handed the phone to her, and she ran off to the living room. Joseph sighed and he went back to cooking dinner.

A few minutes later, Suzy came back into the room. "He wants to talk to you now."  
"All right, give me a second," Joseph said putting the food into the oven and turned it on low. He didn't know how long he would have to talk with Sebastian. He took the phone from her. "Do you think you can watch dinner. It's on low. Come and get me if anything happens. I'm going to be in the study," Joseph said.  
"You got it," she nodded.

"Seb," Joseph said answering the phone. "Sorry about Suzy."  
"Don't worry about it."  
"I hope she didn't talk your ear off," Joseph said closing the door a little.  
"It wasn't that bad. I haven't spoken to her in a very long time," Sebastian said. "If she ever wants to talk, she's always allowed."  
"I'll tell her when I speak to her again," Joseph leaned against the study's desk. He took a deep breath. Sebastian sighed.  
"So…" Sebastian started. "That kiss."  
"I thought you would forget about that," Joseph blushed. "It was a mistake. I can't-"  
"Hey, it's all right. It's only between the two of us," Sebastian said. "I won't say anything."  
"Thanks. I just didn't know what was going through my head."  
"So what's going through that head of yours right now?"  
"I don't know. My life is with Anna and Suzy," Joseph said he leaned against the study room desk.  
"Joseph, you are a good man. You should be loyal to them." Joseph couldn't help but blush pink at Sebastian's comment. He really liked having Sebastian around, but he was starting to realize that it might be dangerous. On the other side of the phone, Sebastian felt a little heartbroken, but Anna and Suzy were far more important than he was.  
"I know. I really sorry I'm dragging you. I don't know where my feelings are," Joseph said biting the inside of his cheek. The two of them were clearly upset. Joseph sighed deeply trying not to become frustrated.  
"I get it," Sebastian said quickly. "Joseph," he started and Joseph couldn't handle his name being said by Sebastian. "Don't worry. I'm sorry I got you angry that day. That was my fault. I shouldn't have done that. I'll try to be less annoying and give you space."  
"Thanks," Joseph said.  
"I'll let you go. Susy said that you were making dinner." Sebastian stopped. "I'll see you around at the station."   
"All right," Joseph said closing his eyes and pressing his lips together in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, the slow burn!!!


	5. Sick and sleepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph's daughter, Suzy, is ill and he comes home to take care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come join me on my Instagram @joyable10 if you want to see new artwork updates.
> 
> (Sorry, I'm just in a bit of a rage, but I didn't get into two of the teaching programs that I applied for next year. Covid-19 doesn't help since I can't build my volunteer experience. I got the news halfway through rewriting the chapter, so you might see a change in tone.)

It had been a few weeks since Sebastian and Joseph talked over the phone. Everything seemed to be back normal for them. They worked on cases and eat lunch together. On occasion, Sebastian would sneak a glimpse of Joseph, and Joseph would do the same. It was close to normal. Sebastian would sigh loudly if the two of them weren't eating together. He felt that life's energy had been sucked out when Joseph wasn't there. Joseph had been his safe place for so many years. Sebastian could only dream of having him until the end of their lives.

+

Joseph was sitting in the lunchroom with his homemade sandwich. The other officers were starting to file in for their lunch. Joseph was a few bites into the sandwich when Sebastian walked into the room. He was holding a brown paper lunch bag. Joseph smirked and laughed a little. Sebastian rarely made his lunches, and he wasn't known at the station for being a cook. Sebastian walked over and sat down next to him.  
"Hey," Sebastian said placing the paper bag on the table.  
"Hey," Joseph said watching Sebastian pull out a corn beef sandwich from the bag.  
"I haven't seen you all morning. Where have you been?" Sebastian asked unwrapping the plastic wrap. "Have you been feeling unwell?"  
"I'm fine. I came in late because Suzy's at home with the flu. We higher a babysitter, but..." Joseph said taking another bite of his sandwich.  
"Why didn't you ask for a day off if you are worried about Suzy?"  
"I had to finish a bit of paperwork," Joseph said.  
"You should have phoned me to finish it for you," Sebastian said getting a little frustrated that Joseph didn't trust him.  
"It's a case that you're not authorized for," Joseph said. "Besides she was perfectly fine when Anna and I left her with the babysitter," he sipped the cup of water. They sat in silence until Joseph's phone started ringing. He picked it up from the table. It was the third time today that his house number called. "Sorry, I have to take this," he said putting down his sandwich and swiftly walked out of the room to answer.

"Hello," Joseph said.  
"Hi, Joey," the voice of an older lady answered. "I'm sorry to call you again, but Suzy really wants you to come home. I told her many times that you would be coming back in a few hours," she said.  
"No need for an apology. I should have tried to stay home. I'm finished with most of my work here. I'll come home as soon as I can," he said.  
"Can I talk to dad?" Joseph could hear Suzy in the background.  
"Might as well put her on the phone," Joseph said walking into the lunchroom and started cleaning up. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder. Suzy got on the phone.  
"Dad," Suzy said on the other end.  
"Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling?"  
"I don't feel so well," she was crying.  
"Oh, could you give me more detail? I could grab you some different medicine."  
"Everything aches and it's cold and hot at the same time. My head hurts."  
"Okay, Sweetie, what flavour would you like?"  
"Grape," she said sniffing. "When are you coming back."  
"Real soon. You just hang in there," Joseph said. "Now, does Lucy want to talk with me again?"  
"She says that she already finished talking with you," she said crying. "I want you home."  
"Suzy, I need you to be a big girl and hold on. Okay, I know you don't feel well and I'll come over. Why don't you lay down and rest? Okay." She sniffed again. "I need to know you're going to be okay for a few more minutes."  
"Okay," she sniffed.  
"I'm going to get off the phone now. Okay."  
"Okay."  
"I love you," Joseph said.  
"Love you too," she said and turned off the phone.

"Sorry, I need to leave," Joseph said.  
"Do you need me to do anything?" Sebastian said.  
"If you could magically make Suzy not have the flu," Joseph said walking out of the room. Sebastian followed him to his office. Joseph was collecting his work bag. "She's crying her eyes out," he said putting his lunch into his work bag. He took some of the papers he was working on and put them in.  
"Is it really that bad?" Sebastian said. "Do you want me to come and help? I'm here because I had to pick up a few things for another station."  
"Are you sure?" Joseph said slinging the work bag over his shoulder. "It would be a big help."

+

Joseph was driving down the same familiar street towards his house. He went quickly to the drugstore to buy a few things. Sebastian took his car and drove to Joseph's house. Sebastian parked on the street and waited for Joseph to show up.

They made their way to the front door. "Lucy?" Joseph quietly walked in.  
"Upstairs," she called out. They walked up the stairs to Suzy's room.  
"Hi," Joseph said walking into his daughter's room. She was laying on her bed. On her forehead, there was a wet rag. "I brought a friend," he said as Sebastian stood in the doorway.  
"Sebastian," she said.  
"He's going to keep you company for a few minutes. Okay? I have to talk with Lucy." Suzy nodded. Joseph and Lucy walked out of the room. "Thanks for taking care of her," Joseph said as they walked down the stairs to the front door. "How much do I owe you?" Joseph said walking over to his work bag to pull out his wallet.

"No need to pay me. I'll just have your wife bake cookies for the church meeting," she said placing her hand on the door. "I'll phone her later today. Tell Suzy to get well soon. That flu doesn't seem to be too kind to her."

"All right, thank you, Lucy."

Joseph climbed the stairs up to Suzy's room. Suzy was sitting up in bed vomiting into a bucket. "Joseph, she told me her stomach was doing flips and there was already a bucket here," he said. Joseph walked over. Sebastian was still frantic about the whole situation.

"Dad?" she said through watery eyes and looked up at him.

"Hey, sweetie," he said taking up the glass of water and letting her wash her mouth of the vomit. He took the bucket and placed it on the ground. "How are you feeling?" he said placing his hand on her forehead. She was warm to the touch.

"I feel really gross," she said. Joseph took up the rag and tried to pat her sweaty face.

"I know," he said and dipped the rag into a small water bowl that was sitting on the nightstand. "Did you eat anything since I left for work?" She shook her head. "Okay, I have crackers and a few other things." Sebastian stood there observing Joseph slowly becoming a mother hen.

"Joseph, can I use your kitchen?" Sebastian asked. "I'll make Suzy my mom's homemade chicken noodle soup. It's easy on the stomach,"

"Sure," Joseph said opening the box of crackers for Suzy to eat a little bit. "Call if you need my help?"

+

Suzy ate a few of the crackers, but she wasn't feeling well again. "Just try to keep them down. If you really need to vomit," he said pulling up a newly cleaned out vomit bucket. She nodded a little bit and laid back down. Joseph placed the rag onto her forehead. Sebastian knocked on the frame of the door.

"I'm coming in," he said walking into the room. "The soup needs to simmer a bit. Is Suzy feeling well enough to eat?" He asked. She looked up at him with a grave face, and she shook her head. "Of course, I'm guessing the crackers aren't agreeing with her." 

"She hadn't vomited them up, but they're creeping up on her," Joseph said getting up from the side of the bed. She was reaching an arm out.

"Bucket," she whispered and she quickly put a hand over her mouth. Joseph quickly grabbed the bucket and he made it in time. Suzy kept her head over the bucket for longer this time. Joseph sat back down on the edge of the bed. "I don't want to be sick anymore," she was crying again.

"I know," Joseph said and he looked back up at Sebastian. "Is there any way to keep food in her long enough so we could give her medicine?"

"I think we wait until she doesn't feel nauseous," Sebastian said. Joseph took the bucket back and placed it on the floor.

"I'll stay here with her until she falls asleep," he said helping her lay back down into the bed. Suzy's flush rosy cheeks made her so young. He placed the wet rag back on her forehead. "If you want, you can go back home," Joseph said looking back at Sebastian again.

"I'm going to stay here," Sebastian said. "I still have to finish making the soup."

"You can sit downstairs and watch TV," Joseph said pulling the covers over Suzy. She was feeling tired, and she couldn't stay awake even if every limb was aching madly.

"Okay," Sebastian said. "See you later, Suzy. Get well soon."

"Bye," she whispered.

+

Suzy fell asleep a few minutes later. Joseph patted her head. He decided to clean the bucket. Once he was finished, he placed the bucket back next to her bed. Joseph made his way downstairs. Sebastian was stirring a large pot. "I hope you found everything for the soup," Joseph said. 

"I did," Sebastian said.

"We did go to the supermarket the other day," Joseph said leaning against the counter. Sebastian put the lid back on the pot and turned to look at him. "Did you want anything to drink? Coffee?" Joseph asked moving over to the coffee maker. "Suzy likes tea," he said.

"Coffee is fine. Thank you," Sebastian said. He desperately wanted to put his arms around Joseph's waist. Sebastian wanted to pull Joseph close to him. He wanted to kiss him as Joseph had in the breakroom.

"Seb, I'm asking what kind of mug you would like," Joseph said as he held two mugs in either hand.

"The one on your right," Sebastian said. Joseph placed the mugs on the counter. He put cream and sugar in his mug and left Sebastian's untouched. "Joseph."

"Yeah?" Joseph said waiting for the coffee to brew.

"I- can't stop thinking about that kiss," Sebastian said. "It's-"

"Sebastian, I thought we were over this. It's been weeks since that happened," Joseph said looking at him. Joseph's eyes pleading with Sebastian's not to continue speaking about it.

"I just can't handle being around you if I know you like me too," Sebastian said placing his hand on Joseph's waist.

"Stop," Joseph said. "I'm going to tell you this once. Don't do it," he said trying to push Sebastian away from him. Sebastian took a step back.

"I should leave," Sebastian said. "The soup is finished and Suzy seems to be in good hands." He turned around to make his way to the door.

"Seb," Joseph said reaching out. 

"Joseph, you're making it difficult. I think it is best if I leave," he said. "I'm sorry. Tell Suzy I'll see her later and tell her to get well soon." Joseph watched as Sebastian left the kitchen.

+

Sebastian left quickly. The front door swung open and shut close. Joseph stood in the kitchen thinking about what had just happened. Joseph was shocked and placed a hand over his mouth. "Sebastian couldn't stop thinking about the kiss," he said to himself.

Joseph turned off the coffee maker and the stove. He opened the lid of the pot and noticed how nice it smelled. Joseph sighed and put the lid back on. He made his way up the stairs to check on Suzy. He pushed open the door and Suzy was still laying in bed. "Dad?" Suzy asked opening her eyes a little.

"Hey, sweetheart," Joseph said sitting on the edge of the bed again. "Are you feeling well enough to eat?"

"Did Sebastian leave?"

"He did. He said that he was called into the station," Joseph said. She might have heard the front door open and close. "He said that you need to get better soon. He'll come later," he said putting the back of his hand on her cheeks.

"Okay," Suzy said.

"Do you want food? Sebastian made a nice soup downstairs. It's still warm," Joseph said. Suzy nodded. "All right, I will bring some food over. Sit tight," he said getting back up. Suzy nodded again.

Joseph came back with a bowl of soup and a warm cup of tea. He placed them on the nightstand and helped Suzy sit up. She ate a little bit and seemed to keep the food down. Joseph was pleased, so he suggested she take the medication. She took it with a sour face. Joseph couldn't help but laugh at her reaction.

Joseph decided that she need more rest, and started cleaning up around her. "Get some sleep, my little astronaut," Joseph said patting Suzy on the head. 

"Thanks, Dad," Suzy said looking up.

"You're welcome. See you later," he gave her a little smile. Suzy wrapped herself in the blanket and closed her eyes."Get well soon." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter.


	6. Strangest Fever Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph is sick, and he has the strangest dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I want to thank you for like (kudos) and reading. I've had a real blast rewriting.
> 
> Join me on Instagram @joyable 10. Will be posting my "Lives that seem too far gone" comic soon. I'm working on other projects.
> 
> I've been rereading the Harry Potter series, so I'll have some fanart and fics up soon too.

"Hey Joseph, do you want to grab lunch?" Sebastian asked, popped his head into Joseph's office. Joseph didn't take his eyes off his paperwork.  
"Sure, what did you have in mind?" Joseph said taking a pen and wrote something down.  
"There's a new place that just opened up. I thought you might like it," Sebastian said. "Are you paying attention to me?"  
"I am," Joseph said putting his pen back into the holder. "Let's go," he said stuffing the paperwork back into a manila envelope. "I just have to drop this off at the inspector's office." They made their way to the inspector's office. Joseph had a quick chat with the inspector which Sebastian thought was too long. "Okay, now we can go," Joseph said closing the inspector's door behind him.

Joseph got into the passenger side of Sebastian's car. "Sorry, it's a little messy," he said. Joseph had to push his foot against coffee cups and take-out bags. Joseph didn't say anything as they drove to the restaurant.

They ordered their lunches and were waiting. "Have you heard of the Ryall case?" Sebastian said sipping his water. Joseph nodded. "So much reading, but the inspector has me on the case until they question the new suspect. It's been a cold case for 20 years," he shook his head. "I want to be out there- cracking new cases." He looked at Joseph and knew he was somewhere else. "Earth to Joseph."  
"Oh," Joseph said coming back with focused eyes.  
"Were you even listening to me?" Sebastian said leaning over the table to take a closer look at Joseph.

Joseph turned away from Sebastian's prying eyes. "You were talking about too much reading and you are getting restless from the lack of active cases."  
"God, why do I even ask that question?" Sebastian leaned back and rolled his eyes.  
"You wanted an answer," Joseph said and his mind wandered again.  
"What have you been thinking of?" Sebastian asked leaning close to Joseph's face again.  
"Sorry, I was just thinking about Suzy. She's still sick," he said.  
"I get it," Sebastian said as the food came to their table. "Is she getting better?"  
"Much better. Anna said that we should keep her at home for a day or two," Joseph said taking his glasses off and let them sit on the table. He pinched the bridge of his nose.  
"You okay?" Sebastian asked.  
"I'm fine. Might be the start of a headache, but it's nothing I couldn't power through," he said looking up at Sebastian who looked blurry to him. "Maybe I'm just tired."  
"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked.  
"I'm sure," Joseph said.

+

They finished their lunch without incident. "Joseph?" Sebastian noticed Joseph was leaning heavily against the car door. Sebastian rushed over. "Are you okay?" he said. Joseph pulled his glasses off his face again. Sebastian hated it when Joseph removed his glasses. It reminded him of the time they were in STEM and he was turning into a haunting. "Did you catch Suzy's flu?" he said taking Joseph's hand and feeling how clammy it had become. "Shoot, let's get you inside the car before you collapse on me," he said opening the car door. "Do you feel well enough to get back to the station?"  
"Umm," Joseph said.  
"I'm going to take that as a no," he said. "I'll going to call the station you have become ill, and I'm taking you home."  
"Umm," he said again. Sebastian pulled out his phone and started calling the station. Before Sebastian said hello, Joseph started to fall asleep.

+

"Joseph," a voice called out, "Joseph, wake up," he couldn't tell what was happening. He was feeling a little dizzy and nauseous. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep longer. "You need to wake up." It called out.  
"Anna?" Joseph said waving his hand. "Is that you?" he asked with a soft voice that he could hardly hear it.  
"Cute, but I'm not Anna," the voice said. Joseph slowly opened his eyes. "Are you up Joseph?" Everything was white and blurry. Joseph could only make out a figure hovering over his bed. She felt like he met her before, but couldn't put his finger on it.  
"Where am I? Where are my glasses?" Joseph said as the figure placed a hand on his forearm.  
"Unknown and not needed," the voice said. Joseph felt tense. "Calm down," she said softly. There was a light pressure at the back of his hand. "Everything will be fine."  
"Umm," Joseph couldn't think well. His head was foggy. "Can I sleep now?" His speech had become slurred and slow. "God, what type of drugs did you put in me?" He gasped for air.  
"Something to numb the pain," she said. "May I ask you a question?"  
"Umm," Joseph said.  
"What is your relationship with Sebastian Castellanos?" Before Joseph could answer, the figure disappeared and the world turned bright white.

+

Joseph's eyes fluttered open and the first thing he noticed was someone was carding their fingers through his hair. Joseph forced himself to look over to see who's hand it was. It was Sebastian's. "Are you awake?"  
"Yeah," Joseph said sitting up. Sebastian removed his hand from Joseph's hair.  
"We are almost at your house. I went to the drug store. I don't think you want to be taking Suzy's grape flavour fever medication," he said. Joseph laughed a little and closed his eyes again.

+

Joseph hobbled over the couch. "Lucy?" Joseph said.  
"Is that you? Your friend Sebastian called saying that you were feeling unwell," she said coming down from Suzy's bedroom.  
"Yeah," Joseph said placing his hand on his stomach. It felt like it was turning.  
"Lucy, I suggest that I take care of the two. You must have something to do," Sebastian said. "You don't need to babysit Joseph."  
"Is that all right Joseph?" she asked.  
"Yeah, you don't need to take care of a grown man," Joseph said trying to give her a reinsuring smile. She went upstairs to collect her bag and tell Suzy she was leaving.

"I made some soup if you would like any Joseph, but it looks like you are going to be sick," she said putting the bag on her shoulder.

"Thank you," Joseph said leaning back in the chair. He was still trying not to vomit his lunch.

"Bye-bye now," she said and made her way to the front door. Sebastian and Joseph bid her farewell.

"Are you going to be well enough for me to check on your daughter?" Sebastian said turning to Joseph.

"I'll be fine," Joseph said. "Just hand me that trash can." Sebastian did what he was told. After, he went to check on Suzy to see how sick she was. Suzy was lightly sleeping in her bed, and Sebastian didn't want to disturb her.

+

A few minutes later, Anna came home. Sebastian had called her about the situation. "How sick are you?" she said kneeling in front of him and pushing his sweaty bangs away from his face.

"He's a 7 on the sick scale," Sebastian said with crossed arms leaning over the armchair Joseph was in. Joseph nodded at Sebastian's observations.

"How did you even get to the station?" She said placing her hand on his knee.

"A lot of Advil," Joseph said with a weak smile.

"Did you take more than what was recommend?"

"I don't remember," Joseph said putting his head in his hands. He had a pounding headache, and he wanted everything to stop.

"Serious, Joseph, you shouldn't have done something like that," she said trying to comfort him. "Let's get you into bed," she stood up from her kneeling position. "Sebastian, could you help? He's too heavy for me to carry," she looked at him. Sebastian nodded and pulled Joseph to his feet. He helped Joseph put his arm around Sebastian's shoulders. The three of them made their way up the stairs. Suzy was sitting up in bed when she saw her parents and Sebastian walk by. She pushed the covers over and quickly followed them to the master bedroom.

Suzy stood in the doorway watching her mom pull the duvet open and Sebastian laying Joseph down on the bed. Her mom pulled the cover over her dad. "Christ, I should have stayed at home," he said rubbing his shoulder which had been around Sebastian's. It wasn't only his shoulder. It seemed that every joint in Joseph's body was feeling sore or out of place.

"Stay with him for a minute. I'm just going to get a few things," Anna said patting his arm and looking at Sebastian. She walked over to the ensuite. Sebastian noticed Suzy standing in the doorway. "Hi Suzy," Sebastian said. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling better," she said still standing there. She was too scared to come in.

"Your dad's going to be all right," Sebastian said holding out his hand. "Come. He's a little tired," Suzy walked in and took Sebastian's hand. "See," he said walking closer to the bed.

"His face is all sweaty," Suzy said.

"That's what happens when you become sick. You were sick a few days ago, right?" Sebastian said. Suzy nodded. "Your dad looks like that because he got sick." Anna came into the room with a wet cloth and the vapour rub.

"I wish you didn't take all that Advil," Anna said. Sebastian and Suzy moved away from Joseph to give Anna her space. She was turning into a mother hen. Joseph gave her a smile and a light laugh.

"I'll remember for next time," Joseph said. Anna rolled her eyes. "Thanks," he said and Anna patted his forearm.

+

"Thanks for helping," Anna said picking Suzy up from the ground.

"You're welcome. I hope he gets better, but it looks like he'll be out for a few days," Sebastian said. The three of them walked downstairs.

"There's nothing much we could do," Anna said trying to understand why Joseph didn't say anything to her that morning.

"I should get going," Sebastian said heading for the front door.

"Of course, I'm sorry Joseph dragged you out of work," Anna said, shifting her weight to accommodate Suzy on her hip.

"There's no need to apologize. He's helped me tons of times in the past. I must go. Tell Joseph to get well soon. You to Suzy," he said opening the door. "Bye now," he closed the door behind him.

"Bye," Suzy said, but it was too late for Sebastian to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it funny that I fell in love with sick/injured fanfictions. The only thing I can't get over is when a character asks if the other is "okay" or "All right." In my family, we don't discuss if we are sick. 
> 
> I have no idea if that's true in real life. I need some hardcore proof.
> 
> I promise you that I'll be posting some 'steamy times' soon.


	7. Murder and a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's been a murder! Joseph and Sebastian are on the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I haven't been posting. I got a new computer, and I've been trying to import my old work. Plus, I went back to work, so I have even less time to rewrite the fanfic.
> 
> On top of all that, I writing a novel. I think I have overloaded myself with work. 
> 
> Please remind me to keep posting! The sexy times are next. I promise. I just wanted to get something out for you guys.

Waking up to the sound of a ringing phone was one of Joseph's most hated things. He stirred in his sleep thinking was a bad dream, and his phone wasn't ringing. He was too comfortable in his bed. He soon realized that it wasn't a dream, and his phone was ringing. "Hello, Detective Oda," he said trying to shake the sleepiness out of his voice. "Of course, I'll be there in a few minutes. Yes. Do you mind texting me the address, Sir? Yes. I know. I'll keep him inline," Joseph said clutching his pillow. "Yes, thank you. Goodbye," Joseph said pulling the phone away from his ear and turned it off. He buried his face into his pillow and wanted to sleep. 

He could hear Anna stirring behind him. "Joseph?" she said reaching over and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Did you have another nightmare?"  
"No," Joseph said sitting up. "I got a phone call."  
"It's so early in the morning. What happened?"  
"I can't tell you," Joseph said.  
"Someone's dead," she whispered. The phone chimed with an address in a text message.  
"You can say something like that," Joseph said laying the phone on the nightstand, and he started to get changed into his suit. 

Anna sat up on her knees. Joseph seems to struggle with his tie. "Come here," she said. Joseph did what he was told. "What would you do without me?" she asked fixing his tie.  
"I wouldn't have a tie," Joseph said kissing her forehead. He felt his heart pound against his chest. Why would he fall in love with Sebastian if Anna was perfect? He played with the thought in his head. "Thanks, Hon," Joseph said leaning in and kissing her.  
"Go brush your teeth!" She said pulling away from him. Joseph went to the bathroom to comb his hair and brush his teeth. He walked back into the bedroom. Anna was laying on her back. He hovered over her. "Kiss me again," she said raising her arms to Joseph. Joseph bent over and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a hug. He fell in love with her kiss all over again. Why would he even fall in love with Sebastian? Anna was so warm and soft. She was like a mother keeping her child safe. "Be safe, love" Anna called out.  
"I will," Joseph said quickly kissing her again. He picked up his workbag and phone. "See you later tonight." He gave her a wave goodbye and walked to the front door. Anna could hear the opening and closing of the front door. She sighed and rolled over. 

+

"Nothing much we can do here," Sebastian said putting the yellow tarp down on the victim. The rain fell in heavy patterns. Sebastian and Joseph were soaked to the bone. Their rain jackets weren't doing them much in the weather. The sun was just peaking over the horizon. The sky turned black to dark gray. Sebastian couldn't help himself from yawning. "The tech will finish logging the evidence." He stood up and cramped both hands into his pocket. Joseph was writing in his notebook which was covered with a thin plastic film. His hands felt cold. Joseph closed his notebook when he finished the last of the notes.  
"So what do you think happening here ?"  
"A targeted stabbing," Sebastian said. "It looks like there was a purpose, and the victim walked over here from the main road." Joseph opened the notebook again and wrote down what Sebastian said.  
"Are we already have video footage from the local businesses?" Joseph asked looking at the main street.  
"They're getting it as we speak. We should go back to the station. Look over the evidence once the techs have finished with it," he said. "I need food and coffee," he mumbled towards his car. 

+

Joseph was hard at work piecing together a timeline. Sebastian had his feet up on his desk, and he was leaning back in the chair. "Can you put your feet down and help me?" Joseph said taking the pencil Sebastian was balancing on his nose.  
"We can't do anything until all the evidence comes in."  
"We have video footage. We can create a timeline and find the suspect. The officers are speaking with the victim's family and friends now. This is child's play. Why can't you focus!" He got up from the desk and dropped the pencil. "I'm getting coffee."  
"Get me cookies!" Sebastian called out. Joseph could help but glare back at him.

"Good afternoon," one of the officers said as he walked into the breakroom.  
"Hello," Joseph poured himself a cup of coffee.  
"I heard about the case you are working on," he went to open the microwave and heat his lunch.  
"We are still waiting for evidence," Joseph leaned over and took cookies from the box. "We wouldn't have it until tomorrow at the earliest."  
"Well that how it is," the officer said. Joseph sipped his coffee.  
"I need to get back. Sorry, Nice talking with you," Joseph said walking out of the breakroom and back into Sebastian's office. 

+

Joseph kept working on the timeline. Sebastian had put his feet down from the desk. He still wasn't doing very much. "Why do you just sit there?" Joseph said looking over. Sebastian leaned closer and closer. His lip pressed against Joseph's. It was rough like they were high schoolers trying to kiss for the first time.  
"I can't stop thinking about the kiss. I can't stop thinking about you," Sebastian whispered and kissed Joseph again. Joseph's heart pounded similar to when he kissed Anna. He thought Sebastian was perfect too. He's torn between the two. Joseph leaned into the kiss even more. He didn't know what he was getting into, but he liked it too much to care.


	8. The Risk I Took for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the greatest when it comes to writing about sex. So I wrote about before and after the fact. It's just a lot easier for me.
> 
> I've been putting all my time into work and reading novels.
> 
> I hope you like this short piece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this part after writing this. My mindset was influenced by this. 
> 
> "The Disgustingness You Bring"
> 
> I was your friend. We were even more than that. 
> 
> You talked to me when you had problems. You called me when you had doubts. 
> 
> Where are you now? 
> 
> You got me out of my shell. You showed me different things that were who I really was. 
> 
> You were something I wanted to be. 
> 
> You were different. You were flawed. 
> 
> I trusted you. 
> 
> I thought you trusted me. 
> 
> I see the post. There is nothing about me. I don’t fit the image you want. 
> 
> I’ve spoken to your friend. The one before. He told me that you thought I was to blame for the fall. But let’s be real, I didn’t fit your ideal. I told you that I would be thereafter. 
> 
> You didn’t talk to me after. You left me. You went to be with someone else. You knew I liked you. Everyone knew it too. 
> 
> I’m looking at all the photos and you bring me disgustingness. Nausea that doesn’t seem to go away. I still talk to your old friend. He tells me you don't even talk to him either. 
> 
> I was your sound mind when you were a storm. You don’t need me anymore. I simply don’t need you either.

"Sebastian," Joseph said leaning into the kiss.  
"Um," Sebastian moaned between the kiss. "Yeah?"  
"I really like you," Joseph said.  
"I like you too," Sebastian said. "Do you like me enough to come over to my place?" he said.  
"Your place," Joseph had to think. Did he want to continue with Sebastian? He could end it right there. Go back to Anna, and never be with Sebastian again. "No,” Joseph said. Sebastian looked at him.  
“Then what is this?” He said placing his hands on Joseph. “You-” he started and looked at Joseph. “I think you should leave.”

Joseph didn’t say anything. He stood up. Why didn’t he said yes? Joseph had been over at Sebastian’s house many times before. What was different? Joseph couldn’t figure it out.

He had already kissed Sebastian. He had already betrayed his oath to Anna. Why didn’t he take it one step further? Joseph collected his stuff and walked out of the door.

Joseph sat in his car in a random parking lot. He had to figure out what his feelings were. Joseph shook the steering wheel. He was so frustrated.

“Joseph, where are you?” Anna had finally called.  
“I’m still working on the case,” Joseph said pressing the phone into his ear. The hard surface hurt his ear. “I should be home soon. You can clean up the dinner table. I’m just eating out.”  
“Okay,” she said. “See you later,” gripped Joseph’s stomach and it ripped out.  
“I love you,” he said.  
“Love you too.”

Joseph took a deep breath out and leaned against the top part of his car's steering wheel. He wanted ti to end. He wished Sebastian didn't say anything at the park that day. He wished he didn't kiss Sebastian first. The thoughts were muddled by his mixing emotions. He wished he could go back to the way it was before. He wanted something more than a wish. He wanted a miracle.

+

"Joseph," Sebastian tapped his knuckle against the car window. Joseph jolted from his seat.

"Seb," Joseph said opening the car door. He jumped into Sebastian's arms.

"What's gotten into you?" Sebastian said confused with Joseph's sudden change in behaviour.

"Take me." 

+

It wasn’t a miracle. It was far from it. But by god, it was close. Joseph was laying on his stomach with a blanket wrapped around him. His glasses were haphazardly thrown to the side. He was deep in thought as a hand was placed on his back. “Joseph,” the creamy voice cut through the thick thoughts.  
“Sebastian?” Joseph said turning around. This wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t like his nightmares that plagued his sleep. This was real. He has never felt so free.

Joseph wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s shoulders. Sebastian’s leaning body pulled close toward him. A tender kiss. They already went past the kissing and the touching. They were on the bends. ”You should go home now,” Sebastian said.  
“Why?”

This was his home now. He’ll wreck everything if he went back. He would wreck Sebastian’s life and Anna’s life. Suzy would be in the middle of everything. She would be the one destroyed over his actions. “She is still your wife and you still have a daughter.”  
“Why would you ask me to come over if it meant I have to go back.”  
“Because it was a moment,” Sebastian said and leaned in a kissed Joseph.  
“A moment?” Joseph came up on his elbows and put his glasses on. “A moment?”  
“Joseph?”  
“A moment is when you think for a second. This was a risk I took. You don’t have any risk,” Joseph got up and pulled his clothes on. Sebastian stayed quiet.


	9. Regret and Something Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph risked everything to be with Sebastian but in the end, Joseph is storming out of the apartment upset. His emotions are siring and he doesn't know how to cope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, 
> 
> I'm kind of back. I don't know how long that is going to last. AHAHA. That's the thing with me. I work on one project and run off and do something else.
> 
> I will try to get more chapters out. I still like the story a lot. There so much to share with all of you. 
> 
> Here's to finishing the story in the future.
> 
> ___
> 
> I wrote the first part of the story in August, but I'm really bad at updating. I wish I could do this full time. Sorry about the grammar mistakes it hard to edit with one eye open.

"Bastard!" Joseph hushed under his breath as he was opening his car door. It was the only thing he could describe Sebastian. Joseph's emotions were twisted, and some of them were everywhere. He was having the best dream of his life in a long time when Sebastian took it. "Asshole!" Joseph turned on the car and sped down the street not looking back. The tears rolled down his face like the rain that started.

At a red stoplight, he rubbed his face with the back of his hand. He didn't want Anna to see him upset. He didn't want her to know that he did something to her. He slowly calmed down on the drive home. He could smell the sweat and other things on his clothing. He knew he had to rush and take a shower. He parked the car in the driveway, and he took one last hard look of himself in the rearview mirror. 

+

"Joseph?" 

"Yes," Joseph said closing the door behind him.

"Dinner is on the table if you are still hungry." 

"Thanks, Annie!" Joseph placed his workbag on the front door bench. "Give me a few minutes. I have to take a shower. Sebastian spilt coffee on my dress shirt."

Joseph stripped his clothing off and dug into the dirty clothing bin to bury them. He looked at himself in the mirror. The steam from the shower filling the bathroom. He inspected the bitemarks. Sebastian was rough, but that hand on his back was gentle. He stepped into the shower. The hot water pounding against his back. Evening showers were something Joseph use to enjoy. He knew when he closed his eyes and reopened them. He would be hallucinating that he was being showered with blood. In the beginning, Joseph freaked, but it no longer bothered him. His thoughts drifted to Sebastian.

Sebastian must have been hallucinating after he escaped too. Joseph eased himself into the tub once he had cleaned himself. He needed a minute to allow the water to run over him. He sat there. Joseph held his breath that any minute the water would change. He wondered why it didn't. He wondered why he was still scared.

"Joseph?" Anna called from outside the door. 

"Sorry, I-" Joseph stood up and turned off the water. "I'll be out in a minute." The water didn't turn into blood this time. Sebastian mended over in his mind. "Maybe." 

"Okay. Are you alright in there? You know I don't like it when you spend a long time in the shower." She walked away from the door and sat on his side of their bed.

"I know," Joseph said reaching for the towel. He blinked. Blood dripped down his arm onto the floor. Joseph gasped. 

"Joseph?" Anna stood up.

"It's nothing," Joseph said drying himself. He looked at the towel. It was stained with blood. He blinked a few times. "It's not real. Joseph. It's not real." He whispered under his breath. He changed quickly into his new clothing and rushed out of the bathroom. 

"Joseph?" Anna said catching him in her arms. They fell to the ground. "You're hair is still wet." She ran her fingers through his hair. She brought Joseph to sit at the edge of the bed. "I'll dry your hair. I'll get you a new towel."

She came back with a towel and a glass of milk in hand. "Thought you might need this." She held the glass up to him. Joseph took the glass. She started drying his hair with the new towel. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"It's just the same," Joseph said looking over at the bathroom. It looked normal, but he didn't dare step in until the water dried. Anna did the same. She never stepped in. There were some things she did for Joseph's sake.

After the glass of milk, Joseph curled onto the bed. Anna sat next to him. She carded her fingers through his dry hair. "I wish I could help you," she whispered. Joseph curled tighter. She knew Joseph would fall asleep. In a few hours, he would wake up from another nightmare. He would panic about drowning in blood or his head was exploding. Anna knew fully well she couldn't do anything but comfort him.

+

The next morning Joseph woke to aching joints and a headache. He couldn't remember a time where he wasn't in poor condition. He turned over to see Anna sleeping. Her hand clinging to Joseph's shirt. She stirred in her sleep. "Joseph?" 

"I'm all right," he said leaning in to kiss her. He stopped above her cheek. It didn't feel right to kiss her. His lips had touch Sebastian's. He pulled away. "Sleep. I'll take care of Suzy." He pulled Anna's fingers from his shirt.

"Okay," she whispered. Joseph pulled on his sweater and made his way out of the room. He could hear the TV on downstairs. The Saturday morning cartoons were playing.

"Morning, sweetheart," Joseph said coming into the room.  
"Morning dad," Suzy said looking up from the TV screen. "Are you working today?" she asked as Joseph said down with her. 

"Nope. I'm off today." Suzy held her breath. She knew if her dad was off, he would want to stay indoors. "Would you like to go out somewhere? Your mom has work, so it would just be the two of us." Suzy breathed out. Joseph rarely asked her to leave the house.

"I want to go to the park." She said happily turning to him.

"The park? Don't you want to go shopping or-"

"The park. I want you to push me on the swings, Please."

"Okay," Joseph said with a smile. Suzy didn't dare ask for more. 

+

"Bye, mom. Dad's bring me to the park," she said putting on her coat. 

"Joseph, are you should you would be all right?"

"It's just to the park. I'm not going to have a meltdown there."

"Joseph, you have had two meltdowns in less than twenty-four hours. Don't you think-"

"I'm not having this conversation here again," Joseph said putting his coat on and he wrapped the scarf around his neck.

"I'm serious. Ever since you've come back, you're different not because of the nightmares-" 

"Anna, I'm fine. Can you just drop it?"

"I'm not. You're not fine. Yesterday night! Are you going to be doing this for the rest of your life? You're going to be old and do you still want meltdowns." Joseph stayed silent. Anna was right. She couldn't help him professionally. If he didn't find help, he was going to go through the nightmares until he died. "You might want to talk with someone --outside "this" house."

"I'll try." Joseph finished with his last coat button. 

"That's all I'm asking." She leaned and kissed his cheek in satisfaction. Anna turned her attention to Suzy. She bent down to fix her scarf. "I'll see you later tonight, okay?" She kissed her daughter's cheek.

"Okay," 

"You'll be good for your dad." 

"I will." 

"That's my girl." Joseph took Suzy's hand and they started walking down the driveway. Anna couldn't help but watch them. She slowly closed the door in case they looked back.

+

"Detective Castellanos," Sebastian answered the phone. 

"Sebastian, we need to talk." 

"Sure, Anna. Right now?" He asked getting up from his seat and closing the door of his office. He was sweating bullets. She must know. Joseph's a horrible lier. "What would you like to talk about?" 

"You're Joseph's best friend," Anna started. Sebastian thought she was putting it mildly. "And you work with him a lot." 

"Yes, Anna, I don't understand what you are getting at." Sebastian was confused. She wasn't going to tell him to dive off the face of the planet or drown himself in the ocean. He did sleep with Joseph.

"He's been acting differently when he came back a few months ago." 

"Oh, you mean," Sebastian said wiping the sweat from his forehead. She didn't know about last night. "When the two of us came back from being kidnapped? Anna, you have to understand. That place was pure nightmare fuel." 

"What do you mean? Joseph doesn't tell me anything besides that he was passing out. I've been piecing together what happened." Sebastian gritted his teeth. He didn't want her to be digging around.

"Ah, I don't know if I'm allowed to say it. Joseph needs to tell you on his own." 

"TELL ME!" Anna screamed into the phone. "HE WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SCREAMING. HE THINKS THEY'RE COMING TO GET HIM." Sebastian stayed quiet. It was worst than he thought. "HE TELLS ME THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALLS. HE TELLS ME HE FEELS HE'S BEEN RUNNING FOREVER. SEBASTIAN, I NEED YOUR HELP. YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!" 

"Anna," Sebastian started. 

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT! I DON'T WANT TO FIND HIM DEAD. HE'S--"

"I know you are frustrated, but if I tell, you'll run off and interrogate him. He might not be ready to open up." Sebastian stood up from his chair. "All I can say it was horrible." Anna became quiet. "I'm sorry. Joseph is just going to have to tell you when the time comes." 

"When that time comes, he'll be dead," Anna said turning off the phone. She stood in the middle of the living room with the phone in her hands. "Fuck you!" she said throwing the phone hard into the couch. "Fuck you." She could help but noticed that she was gritting her teeth. She tried her best to not cry, but her emotion got the better of her.

"Anna," Sebastian said into the dead phone. He redialed. "You have to be kidding me." He said. "Fuck--Fuck." He ran out of his office. 

"Castellanos watch where you are running," a co-worker called out. Sebastian raced to his car. He kept trying to call Anna. He was almost to their home. 

"What?" Anna said picking up the phone.

"Anna, I need you to stay here you are. I need to know that-" 

"What did you think I was doing when I didn't pick up the phone? I'm not going to off myself. I'm not that dumb." 

"Sorry. I-" Sebastian said. "I had a bad-. Just stay there. I'll be there in a few minutes." He said taking the corner hard in his car.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will Sebastian and Anna talk about? Will Joseph open up about his time in STEM?


End file.
